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Parents can declare: no matter how much attraction and enjoyment there is, if how young people treat each other lacks respect for one or both of them, then what they have is not a good relationship. As I describe in my book about adolescence, "The Connected Father," parents can suggest four basic treatment questions to which their son or daughter needs to ask and answer "yes" to affirm that the significant dating relationship is good, or at least good enough.For sure, parents need to tell their son or daughter that any kind of violence (action with intent to harm), be it verbal, emotional, physical or sexual, is not okay. First: "Do I like how I treat myself in the relationship?Self-report surveys like the 2005 report by the National Center for Health Statistics indicate around 50% of students having had sexual intercourse by the end of high school.What this suggests is that a lot of students do have sex, and about the same number don't."-- The Attention question: "Do you both feel listened to when expressing a concern?" -- The Respect question: "Do you both observe comfort and safety limits that each other sets?
It is your job, however, to provide your son or daughter with the important questions to ask.
" -- The Honesty question: "Do you both trust each other to tell the truth?
"-- The Independence question: "Do you both support each other having separate time apart?
" For example, "Does the other person manage frustration or disappointment calmly without becoming angry or upset?
"If the young person cannot answer "yes" to all four questions, then there is some work to do on the relationship.