Recovering after dating a borderline

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One of the most persistent myths about borderline personality disorder (BPD) is that it can't be treated. Or are there more useful ways to think about recovery?In fact, BPD can respond well to evidence-based treatments, and those treatments are improving. Researchers from the University of Wollongong looked at how recovery is currently defined, and how thinking about it differently could help improve treatments and outcomes for people experiencing BPD.Some people pull away for space, which is possibly the hardest thing for us to take.This may be because it’s thought that BPD could stem from early attachment issues in childhood, so another of the main symptoms is a ‘chronic fear of abandonment (real or perceived)’.Dropping a message before you start working for the day to say you have a busy one ahead, but you’re thinking of them and will call later, will stop the midday freak out, because they know you care about them and they know you’re OK.If you’re unhappy with them, don’t act cold and distant – be up front and speak to them so you both understand each other and this can help them stay in control of their emotions.

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SANE's Plain English research series translates important research into everyday language, to connect you with the latest information from the psychological field.In my somewhat limited but quite eventful 26 years of experience, as a person with BPD, the way to make it work with that person is always communication.If you communicate clearly and honestly then you get rid of that fear of the unknown, the fear that you’ll disappear, and the fear they have of not being good enough.Googling the subject, I suddenly find the internet is awash with people who have an incredibly negative and distorted view about what it’s like to date a person with BPD.Some of the comments hit home because, from an early age, I have had an extremely tempestuous love life, but I also know it can work if both partners learn to understand each other.

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