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When you think about it, internet dating should be the greatest aid to romance since the invention of toothpaste. You already know a little bit about the person you're trying to talk to, you have all the time in the world to perfect what you're going to say and absolutely none of your mates are stood at the other end of the room hoping you'll screw up so they can all have a good laugh. As internet dating continues to emerge as a major way we can hope to find 'the one' – or even just a night of fun – this is clearly unacceptable.So on the basis of the aforementioned conversations – and a quick poll of all the single females in the office – we've compiled a handy list of the basic mistakes men are still making online.Sure, she will want to know you are ambitious and can match her efforts in life, but bragging about who you’ve met or what you drive or where you live, will send her running for the hills.

4 | :-) ;-) :-D Emoticons are always tempting when you're communicating with someone you've never met with no way of knowing how they're going to take a word you say. They are: Myspace selfies (which seem immature and vain), excessive holiday snaps (boring), shots with other girls (suspicious), sports cars (stupid) and, finally, the bizarre trend for people – of both sexes we might add – posing next to sedated lions or tigers during some witless moment on their gap year (suggesting you're naïve, cruel or possibly involved in the illegal fur trade).

Sometimes it's listening to a female friend, frazzled and frustrated after talking with twenty different 'matches' on Tinder (a term that quickly seems cruelly ironic). The penises, thankfully, are only the extreme end of the problem.

Or it's during a conversation with a would-be digital date, who is treating you with the kind of guarded courtesy normally reserved for that man who knocks on your door at a weird time of day asking to 'check the meter' (does he really work for British Gas? Most men wouldn't dream of being so weirdly sexually aggressive.

As men get older and wiser, they stop dropping unwelcome hints and start thinking about what their partner actually wants.

And yet with internet dating profile pictures, we never seem to learn the same lesson – i.e.

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